- (So don't be shocked when this happens. There may or may not be recourse (ie. filing an Appeal), but usually, the parties do not walk out of Court euphoric with a "home run". Everything will take much longer than you expect or wish for. There will be unanticipated postponements by the Court, judges and attorneys have illnesses and personal emergencies, and there are always snow days when your case will be bumped to the next month or 6 weeks later).
- (The Judge is supposed to be impartial and fair to both parties, even if you consider the other party to be totally evil and deserving of harsh treatment. The Judge isn't your friend, or your adversary's friend. The Judge is there to make sure that you both get a fair and just result (e.g. compromise) and that the children, if any, are protected and having their best interests met.)
- 3. THE JUDGE WILL NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING ANYONE SAYS (EVEN YOU) WITHOUT PROOF:
- (Since virtually nothing the Judge hears will be shocking to him/her, it is highly unlikely that the Court will favor you just because your spouse/partner was sleeping around some of the time or on a regular basis, as long as the children were not exposed to anything inappropriate such as sleepovers with lovers when the children are there too. Multiple infidelities are not something you will be compensated for.)
- 7. THE COURT IS USUALLY NOT INTERESTED IN PUNISHING YOUR SPOUSE/EX, ETC. REGARDLESS OF HOW UPSET YOU ARE AT THE OTHER PARTY. THE COURT DOES NOT--AND WILL NOT--SHARE YOUR OUTRAGE AT YOUR SPOUSE, EXCEPT IN RARE OCCASIONS SUCH AS IN CHILD ABUSE OR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. YOUR CASE PROBABLY IS NOT RARE. “IF ONLY THE JUDGE COULD HEAR ME OUT” IS NOT REALISTIC AND DOES NOT HELP YOU AT ALL. IT COULD, HOWEVER, DRIVE YOU TO GO TO TRIAL, USUALLY A BAD IDEA IF SETTLEMENT IS POSSIBLE.
- (It is unusual for a Judge to "not get it" with regard to thoroughly understanding the complex issues of your case, along with the applicable Law. Judges in almost all cases are hard-working, sincere individuals who read all of the papers before them (sometimes late at night) and who will do their best to do the right thing for you and for your children. There are occasional exceptions, however, in some courts and on some days. Even a Judge has an occasional bad day when they may be less patient or Solomon-like. They are human too. Most likely, however, your perception that the Judge doesn't get it may stem from your unrealistically high expectations, or possibly because the other side also had a compelling argument--maybe as compelling as yours, to your Judge. The decision you get may not seem fair to you, but may be seen as fair by most other people. You always can appeal a clearly wrong decision, but appeals can be very costly and time consuming. Judges' decisions are usually affirmed on appeal. You should discuss all of the issues and options with your attorney before coming to any conclusions about what happened in Court.)
14. YOUR LAWYER WILL MOST LIKELY INTERACT WITH THE ADVERSARY LAWYER CONGENIALLY. YOUR POSSIBLE (INTENSE) DISLIKE OF OTHER ATTORNEY WON'T NECESSARILY BE SHARED BY YOUR ATTORNEY.
Please note, this blog is for information purposes only. It is not legal or psychological advice and it does not create an attorney/client or psychologist/patient relationship. If you have a question about a specific matter you should seek out an attorney or mental health expert to assist you.